Why you shouldn't feel guilty for HATING pregnancy

As most first time mum's, I have joined the world of mummy facebook groups. Some are so lovely and welcoming, and other are judgemental hell pits there to make you feel like a terrible human. HOW DARE YOU HATE PREGNANCY. Or not even hate, how dare you just not enjoy every minute of it. So what you're sick, that means baby is healthy (it 100% does not). So what you can't sleep, just wait until baby is here and you'll never sleep again (this really doesn't help, thanks). You should be grateful you can have kids, some people can't or have to pay thousands for the chance. I understand this, and it breaks my heart that we can't all grow our own humans, but don't use that to make me feel bad.

Each pregnancy is so different, no one knows what you are going through. Even people that have the same issues as you, they don't know EXACTLY how you feel. So in the famous words of, I actually have no idea who, you do you boo. You want to not tell anyone you're pregnant, cool. You want to shout it from the rooftops, cool. You want to moan every day at how much it sucks, cool. YOU DO YOU.

I am so fed up of people making other expectant mothers feel guilty for hating being pregnant, for some of us, this sucks. Yes we are all growing a tiny little human, we are making life, our body is literally a miracle making machine. Feeling them move inside is beautiful, and the love I already have for this unborn child is so so strong. I hate being pregnant, don't misunderstand that as I hate my unborn child, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm just excited for this to be over so I can have my baby and not feel like I'm dying daily.

The past few months have honestly been the worst of my life, the sickness finally is controlled by tablets, I have other tablets for anaemia that was caused by the sickness, my back has always been a bit shit and is just constantly painful (and no, paracatmol doesn't help at all because paracetamol sucks) and I'm big and heavy. I'm currently on 12 tablets a day and about 3 hours sleep. So why would I not hate this?

P.S. where the hell is my 'glow'?!

Bex Renshaw. 

Twitter : @bexrenshaw

Instagram : @bex_renshaw

YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw
Website : www.bexrenshaw.com

Things I wish I had known about pregnancy!

As most of you know, I am 21 weeks (and 3 days) pregnant. This is my first pregnancy and so far it has been, well it has been hell to be honest. All I see online is amazing, smooth pregnancies and I didn't realise it was possible to be THIS ILL and the doctors able to do absolutely nothing. So I thought I would do a little list (you know I love a good list) about the things that I really wish someone had told me before I got pregnant.

Firstly, morning sickness sucks. I have HG which is severe morning sickness. I spent around 15 weeks throwing up every 15 minutes, every day. Food helped sometimes, but then I'd end up throwing it up later anyway. I lost over a stone in the first few weeks of my pregnancy, it was scary and they kept telling me it would pass, but HG doesn't pass. It can ease after around 20 weeks. But sometimes it can last until after you have given birth. I tried 5 different types of anti-sickness tablets before finding some that worked for me.

Another illness based one,  your immune system gets so so shit. I get ill a lot anyway, but there are only a handful of drugs you're allowed to take while pregnant. So instead of taking some cough medicine and having a slight cold for a few days, it will drag and basically feel like it is trying to kill you. I have developed anaemia while pregnant because I've been so ill, so that's another thing to possibly look forward to!

It won't feel real for a while, and you will forget you are pregnant sometimes. Even with my bump I sometimes wake up and forget I'm pregnant - until I attempt to sit up! Sometimes I feel like I have a full grown child ready for me to cuddle and to mother, and other times I realise it's just a tiny mini baby that couldn't even survive without me yet. It's a really strange confusing feeling that can't be explained unless you feel it.

Baby stuff is SO EXPENSIVE. I mean the clothes are so tiny, there is basically no material so how are some places selling a top for £10+?! My favourite places for baby clothes so far have been F&F, George (ASDA) and Primark. Especially as baby will only get to wear each but a handful of times, and probably cover it in wee/poo/vomit/some terrible substance! I'm not even going to get started on furniture and prams, but having a baby costs A LOT. Like I said, all made that but more annoying as most of the stuff is just mini versions for the same price/more expensive.

Weird feelings will happen a lot. You hear about the standard stretching of skin and painful boobs. But people don't tell you that you will be SO HOT. I mean like fever kind of sweating hot, in the middle of winter with the windows open or stomach pain when I try to walk, I don't want to walk anyway because I'm so damn tired, don't make this worse for me. And why the hell are my boobs so itchy, they don't hurt, they are just so damn itchy.

I think I'm going to leave this post here for now, I may do a part 2 at some point because there are still loads of points in my brain haha! Let me know if you're pregnant/have been and what you wish you'd known before!

Bex Renshaw. 

Twitter : @bexrenshaw

Instagram : @bex_renshaw

YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw
Website : www.bexrenshaw.com

Direction Change

I'm going to try to keep this post as short as possible but there is so much I want to say, so bare with me.

I realised how personal this blog had become recently, I love being able to share my life online with friends and followers and to know there are so many people that still read my blog posts even when they are so rare, it's honestly amazing. So this is where you'll find my personal posts, happy and sad, whatever they will be here. I have however set up another blog for reviews and the more professional side of blogging. The easiest way to find everything (EVERYTHING) is on bexrenshaw.com which will have this blog, my other blog, YouTube videos, my twitter feed and links to all my social medias, nice and simple!

I've been really ill for about 16 weeks now (yes, really) to the point most days I couldn't get out of bed, I have Hyperemesis gravidarum and Aneamia as well as being tired from growing a human, so that kind of explains why I have been pretty absent on all the social platforms. But I now have that all kind of under control, I'm no where near being 100% but I'm on tablets to help me. On that note I have cut my hours at work - after 8 weeks of being off work which was horrible as I'm sure you can imagine. So more time for blogging and YouTube, how exciting! 

Come and chat on my social media's, honestly it's so boring being poorly please entertain me! I'll update you all again super soon. 

Bex Renshaw. 

Twitter : @bexrenshaw

Instagram : @bex_renshaw

YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw
Website : www.bexrenshaw.com

Dear Diary...

I honestly feel like that should be the name of my blog at the moment, I seem to post all my exciting and product related bits on my YouTube and this is just a place for my personal inner ramblings. But I suppose that's okay, my blog has always been my personal little corner of the internet where I can just be me.

As most of you know now if you follow me on social media/YouTube, I'm Pregnant! I wish there was some amazing glittery flashing font I could put that in, but that will have to do for you, damn blogger. So things may change around here/everywhere for me. My plan was to get more regular with posting, my social media and youtube presence improved greatly however my morning sickness started. Of course it didn't stop there, I've been bedridden with Hyperemesis Gravidarum which involved throwing up every 15 minutes and not even having the energy to move or type or read or ANYTHING. It has honestly been the worst I've ever felt, and the most bored I've ever been. However that is a different post entirely, good news is after 4 attempts my doctor finally found medication that works for me and I seem to be getting better by the day, yay!

So I'm not going to be posting daily, honestly on here is where I will always post the least as it is such a personal little blog, I may create another blog that is more product/beauty based but I'm not really sure. For now, make sure you are following my social medias and YouTube and come and chat over there!

Bex Renshaw. 

Twitter : @bexrenshaw

Instagram : @bex_renshaw

YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw
Website : www.bexrenshaw.com

#YoudNeverBelieve

Over the past few weeks I've been involved in a project called Project Teen, specifically the #YoudNeverBelieve part of this project. The project itself is AMAZING, I'll leave the link here so I'm not babbling too much! 

So I wanted to talk about my past, why this project means so much to me and things I haven't really spoken about. 

The first thing I'd like to point out is I had an amazing childhood, I can't bare to think about what some people's young lives were like and honestly I was lucky to have an amazing loving family. 

However when I was 14 I started really suffering with mental health, a lot happened and I felt like the world was against me. At 16 I got diagnosed with depression, anxiety and panic disorder. I started self harming and I thought the world wouldn't even notice if I wasn't here. I went through years of antidepressants - that actually made things worse, who knew a side effect of antidepressants is suicidal thoughts!? And counselling - which did help but only lasted 8 weeks a time, I went back 3 times which just wasn't enough. I never told my friends, family or doctor about the self harm, I still don't talk about it now, it's the hardest subject for me to talk about. 

These were the worst years of my life, and I didn't think I'd make it out. But I did. I still suffer from depression and anxiety, I can proudly say I haven't self harmed for 15 months and I haven't needed professional help for 12 months. I have such a great support system, my boyfriend is my rock and listens to whatever I need to talk about. My friends and family are just a call away whenever I need them.

I know that #YoudNeverBelieve I had been as bad as I had, it's terrifying to think that if it hadn't been for some friends, I honestly wouldn't be here now. Looking at younger me, I just want to shake little me and tell myself it will be okay, it will get better.  I wasn't as alone as I thought I was, and if I had just spoken out I could've got better a lot quicker.  

The point of this project is to let teen girls know that they aren't alone, there are so many people out there that have been through similar things and got out so much stronger. We need to unite to help the next generation be strong. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are never alone. 

I would love to know your #YoudNeverBelieve statements, come and share them with me on twitter! 

Bex Renshaw. 

Twitter : @bexrenshaw

Instagram : @bex_renshaw

YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw
Website : www.bexrenshaw.com

Floatation Therapy!

Hey all!

So if you've been keeping up to date with my vlogs you'll know that last week I visited a floatation centre in Stafford. It's a small building with 2 waiting rooms (one for before floating and one for after) 2 pod suites and a recovery room. The waiting rooms were both very simply decorated with beautiful pictures and small pieces of decor dotted around - without it being too in your face.

I went into the first room and spoke to the owner while I waited for my pod suite to be ready. He explained everything too me, I'm pretty sure he could see how nervous I was! He was honestly so lovely, having an understanding and helpful person that wasn't there to take my money and sell me things made the whole experience much better.

I then walked down the hall to find my pod. The rooms again were simple yet appealing. There was a shelf with ear plugs, vaseline for any cuts (you DO NOT want to get salt water in a fresh cut!) and a few other items to improve the experience. Then the shower - one thing I always critique is showers, too little or too much pressure can ruin something good. But this was just perfect.  It also had shampoo, condition and body wash. The provided were towels too so you don't have to take loads of stuff with you.

I got myself showered and ready to jump into my pod. I was pretty nervous (final destination sun beds anyone?!) but as soon as I got in there I was fine. The lid is really light so you can get in and out whenever you need. The light inside is optional so if you feel uncomfortable - or are terrified of the dark like me, you can keep the light on. Soft Music also played for the first 10 minutes and last 5 minutes. And then you just float.

I'm not sure why it shocked me so much how I floated. This sounds crazy but let me explain. The water is salt water, and I much as I tried to push my legs to the floor or lay on my side, I couldn't. I tried so I could explain properly to you guys how it worked but it was impossible.

The hour went by so quick and I ended up being much more reluctant to leave my beautiful relaxing pod and continue with my life than I expected. I felt like I had a full night's sleep. I was refreshed and ready for the day - not that I'm saying another nap wouldn't of helped me but you all know how much I love a good nap.

I then showered and washed my hair, stood for a few minutes admiring how soft my skin felt and then made my way to the 'Recovery Room'. This is a room with a mirror, hair drier and skin/hair products to help you get ready for the day/evening. I took my hair brush and heat spray with me but they provided everything else which was really amazing. I chose not to take make up as I didn't fancy wearing it after being so relaxed!

After I was all 'recovered' I went over to the second waiting room where there was a glass of water waiting for me and a guest book on the side. I wrote in my comment and had a read of the other comments in there. I was amazed by how far people had travelled, traveling to Stafford from Milton Keynes and Bolton. The owner then came over and asked how I found it etc and offered me more water - I don't think I've ever drank that amount of water in such a small sitting. He explained the benefits and I described how I found it etc. The pod's help with so many problems such as Depression, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia, Broken Bones, Asthma, Arthritis, Sprained Muscles and so much more.

The experience completely exceeded my expectations and the nerves I had were completely unnecessary. It calmed, relaxed and recharged me. I would definately recommend a visit to Time to Float whether you are local or not, it is worth trying out. I'll include some pictures of the experience below.

Check out Time To Float on social media and speak to their lovely team, feel free to tell them I sent you! Twitter @timetofloatuk, Instagram @timetofloatstafford, Facebook /timetofloatltd, Website http://www.timetofloat.co.uk

Also check out the Vlog from my visit at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-QsmHs1rj4&feature=youtu.be



Bex Renshaw. 

Twitter : @bexrenshaw

Blog Instagram : bexrenshawonline

Personal Instagram : bex_renshaw

YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw

Selection of Products in The Recovery Room

Decor in the Waiting Room

Guest book

  

Front Desk

One of The Pods

New Year, New Me.

I've always hated that saying, something about it just really bothers me. Are we meant to become a different person each year? Is this me not good enough? What is this new me meant to be like?

The last few years I've tried setting less resolutions because I know I won't keep them. I set too many, get stressed because I'm overloading myself and just crash. So this year I only have one. Be Happy. I want this year to be the year of me. I want to finally be happy with me, with my body, with what I'm doing with my life. I have so much to look forward to this year, and so many amazing things in my life that not being happy may sound stupid to anyone looking in on my life. But my depression and anxiety really need to calm down (I'm working on it) and I plan to 'get fit' no goals are being set because I hate disappointing myself but my goal is to be happy with how I look.

I want to be happy with my YouTube, I want to get to know more bloggers and continue rambling on here when I feel like it. This is pretty much my diary that is hidden in my wardrobe and forgotten about until I need to write.

So yeah, this year is the year of me. In the least selfish way possible (because I still love you all too). Let me know what your New Years Resolutions are and I'll see you for my next ramblings soon!

Bex.